We all hear from so many new parents how exhausted they are and how much they can’t wait for their new baby to sleep through the night. While we definitely need to understand it is biologically normal (and necessary) for a new baby to wake up at night to eat and it is normal for a baby to need their parents and caregivers to soothe them when they are upset, we also know new parents need sleep too! So I am going to share my top 5 tips to set you and your baby up for success!
Environment (location and temperature):
The ideal temperature of the sleep space for your new baby is 68-72 according to the AAP and most sleep experts. Adults sleep better at even lower temps but of course, we live in Arizona so that is not always feasible. However, adding a fan (ceiling or floor) to the room can help circulate air which helps us to “feel” cooler even when the temperature is a bit higher. And of course, babies all over the world sleep in much warmer temperatures also and do just fine, so don’t stress if lowering the temperature that much is simply out of the question for your family. It sure is for mine.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends room sharing with your baby for a minimum of 6 months and ideally up to 12 months, but on a separate sleep surface (in other words, room sharing, not bed sharing). However, let’s talk reality. Babies are noisy! So adding some white noise with a sound machine (we love the Lectrofan Micra 2 here at The Newborn Care Solutions Agency) somewhere in the room between you and the baby can help muffle every little sound and allow you both to sleep a little better.
Some parents opt to bed share; we are not here to tell you not to as many cultures around the world do it. But if you are going to do it, do it with research, education and intentionality to maintain safety. https://llli.org/news/the-safe-sleep-seven/ When bedsharing becomes dangerous in our opinion is when it is done out of desperation/exhaustion and without proper information to make wise and educated decisions. So if you opt to bed share or feel you need to, do your research first and do it safely.
If your baby is sleeping in a bassinet, pack and play or crib, make sure they are rated for safe sleep. If they are not, it is not considered a safe sleep surface. Please, please, do not use swings, car seats outside of the car/base, rock and plays, dock a tot, boppies or anything else “marketed” as a sleep environment without the required safety certification. Look for a bassinet that has been certified by a recognized safety organization, such as the Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association (JPMA), to ensure that it meets the recommended safety standards. You can find a lot of great information here: https://www.halosleep.com/blog/post/newborn-bassinet-safety
Ideally you want to follow the ABC’s of safe sleep: Alone, on their back, in a crib (or separate sleep space). You can find more on the ABC’s here: https://safesleep.mo.gov/abcs-of-safe-sleep/#:~:text=Infant%20Safe%20Sleep&text=It's%20as%20simple%20as%20ABC,with%20only%20a%20fitted%20sheet.
For good long term sleep habits, avoid putting your baby to sleep directly under a fan or vent, in the middle of a noisy environment (it is a myth that you will have a better sleeper if they are in the middle of chaos/noise) or where pets can easily reach them.
Be sure to avoid Blue Light around babies (phone, tablet, computer, TV) as multiple credible studies show blue light impacts sleep. You also should avoid it 1 hour or more before going to sleep for the same reason. If you must use it, use the red light filter. If you have a small night light or lamp in the baby's room for seeing at night, swap out the standard bulb for a red light also for the same reason.
Swaddling
Most babies love to be swaddled because swaddling mimics the feeling of the womb and controls the Moro (startle) Reflex.
In order to be done safely, swaddling must be done safely using a proper blanket or manufactured swaddle–our favorite: The Butterfly Swaddle-https://thebutterflyswaddle.com/ ). It is important that your baby is swaddled without restriction around the hips to minimize risk of hip dysplasia. They also should never have their arms/shoulders swaddled so tightly that it hyperextends the shoulder joint or pulls their hands and arms behind or under them.
Swaddling should only be done for sleep; babies need freedom of movement for proper development any time they are awake.
Even if your baby is fussy about it at first, our recommendation is to try it for 2 weeks. If your baby continues to be fussy about it at that point, your baby might be one of the rare ones who does not like it.
If your baby does not like it or you don’t want to use it, then make sure the room/pajamas are at a comfortable temperature and/or use a sleep sack. Never place a loose blanket in the crib with the baby.
Feeding
Newborns did not come into the world with a clock and a guidebook. They are hungry when they are hungry and their primary role at this point in life is to grow. So while it should seem obvious, there is conflicting (and potentially harmful) advice out there. Here is ours: Feed them. And then work, over the first several weeks of life, to feed them well during the day whenever they show hunger cues: Putting their hands to their mouth; turning their head towards the breast or bottle. Puckering, smacking, or licking their lips. A baby that is crying in hunger is one who has already tried to show hunger cues and they were missed so focus on observing them in the 30 minutes or so before you suspect they will be hungry; through repeat observation, you will learn how your baby shows early hunger signs. Respond quickly and avoid getting to crying if at all possible. However, sometimes you are going to be there if you miss a cue or cannot respond right away (such as when you are driving). They may be harder to settle initially but your baby will get there; be patient with them and with yourself. Studies now show us that babies who are fed (and have other needs met when they show them) actually sleep through the night sooner and better than those who have food and comfort withheld at night.
Over several weeks, your goal is to slowly work towards more calories during the day and less calories at night, but this takes time and should not be rushed. Some babies do it in a few weeks; some can take a few months. Your baby will show you what they need; your job is to learn their signs and cues and respond to them.
We are not going to “push” a baby to eat more than they show us they want/need or to withhold food from a hungry baby just to accomplish a sleep goal. You can and likely would get to the point they no longer cry to eat at night, but at what cost?
Routine
Human beings thrive on routine. Science shows us that the body produces less stress hormones, our heart rate and respiration is slower and our brains function better when we know what to expect. Things that take us by surprise elevate all the functions in our body including cortisol (what we not-so-affectionately refer to as the “wake up” hormone) and all these things inhibit good sleep in both babies and adults.
While in the womb, the baby is directly connected to the parents bloodstream; most of us know that. But what we do not often know is that babies are impacted by our emotions, our hormones and that in the womb, their circadian rhythms are controlled by their parents' body. When they exit the womb, some of these connections remain (co-regulation and why when you are upset your baby will be more upset and vice-versa) but circadian rhythms do not remain. So after birth, your baby is essentially starting over with the development of their circadian rhythm.
A strong component of circadian rhythm development is what we call “social cues” or routines… meaning, for example, if you greet your baby the same way every morning, they will begin to learn that this is now “wake up and spend time with my favorite person time.” And the same is for sleep. If you follow the same routine right before sleep each time, your baby’s body will begin to learn it is now time for sleep and respond accordingly. So if you want to have an evening routine of bath with lavender (clear with your healthcare provider and get proper instruction on lavender use), a gentle massage as you dress baby for the night, feeding and a soft song before bed each night, your baby’s body will begin to respond and will actually release melatonin to help your baby fall asleep. The amazing thing is that it also does this in response to the sun going down at night and releases cortisol in the mornings as a response to the sun coming up! In other words, through the intentionality of “showing” your baby when they are supposed to be awake and supposed to be asleep, over time, their body's circadian rhythm will develop in response to that and they will sleep at the right time and for longer stretches.
Taking Care of You
You have a new baby! This means that you need to take care of you so you can take care of them. This includes proper nutrition; healthy foods, water, vitamins or medications with proper guidance to supplement deficiencies in your diet. Postpartum University https://postpartumu.com/healing/ is a great resource for new moms to learn more about replenishing your body.
Proper exercise is so beneficial to both your physical and mental well-being and you are already working on this, so bravo and keep it up!
Getting proper rest through quality sleep, avoiding blue light as mentioned before, and prioritizing your sleep over other things whenever you can will go a long way to help restore your vitality.
Be proactive about getting a check up with your healthcare provider or mental health provider if something seems “off”. Too often we think we need to suffer through the postpartum period but it does not need to be that way and proper medical and mental health support can make a huge difference. It is OK to say “I am not OK; please help me”
Acknowledge those things that do not allow you to relax and find a way to get them handled; for me it is a dirty (not messy) house. Hiring a housecleaner, even just once a month, can allow you to mentally let go and rest. If it is laundry, use a service, or let a family member or friend know that is something that would be super helpful. Love to cook and feed your family but just don’t have the time or energy? Have a freezer meal “baby shower” and let your friends and family love on you a bit in this way. Most importantly, realize that it is OK that some things are harder and that it is OK to ask for/pay for help.
Get some support. A friend or family member who is genuinely helpful and who can take good feedback/that you can be honest with about what you need can be a great benefit, but sometimes it is hard to keep their (and your) emotions out of it. For many families, hiring someone is a better option as it is easier to give direction to someone you are paying vs. family or friends. A newborn care specialist, for example, can help handle the baby responsibilities, especially overnight, and that will allow you to sleep better/more and recover from birth much faster. Obviously we can help you find that. www.thencsa.com
Sleep for your baby and sleep for you make all the difference in the world for your postpartum experience; do what you can to enhance that, ask for and get help when you need it and give yourself lots of grace; this baby thing can be a challenge, especially when you have never done it before. It doesn’t just come naturally to everyone and that is OK. Your baby will still know that you love them, even when you make mistakes and that love is ultimately the very best thing you can provide.